She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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