i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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