Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
