so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
