He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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