I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
