so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
