We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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