the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
