Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
im holly from the hills drunk
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
