I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
