I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
