Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
