so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
