What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
