as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
