Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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