i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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