Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
