oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Watching her eat just hurts me
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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