Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
