it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
