My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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