The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
