I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize