I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
