if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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