Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
