Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
