He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
