Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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