i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
