plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
