I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
