i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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