I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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