Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
