hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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