I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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