Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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