did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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