It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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