First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
