You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
