At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
