I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
