you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
