The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I love you. Go after that dick
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
