based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
