Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
