Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
